We have been basically snowed into our tiny apartment for almost 3 weeks now. It has been FREEZING! Many mornings when Guy leaves for school the temperature has been in the negatives, and stays in the single digits most of the day. Supposedly it is going to start warming up and I can't wait!!
I hate to admit to the amount of complaining I have done the past few weeks, both silently and outloud, as we have been house bound due to the weather. It was way to cold to take either of the kids out, especially Erik. The cold weather just hurts his lungs and the few times we have gone out (which have been only on Sundays to go to Church) we basically run him from the car to the building, because he just gasps for air like he can't breathe until we get him inside. Emery has enjoyed a couple days out in the snow, just outside our apartment patio, but it is short lived due to not being able to leave Erik inside alone for too long, and also the cold weather is too much for even her to stay out for too long.
Early last week, after a particularly difficult day, I went to bed that night and the first thought that came to my mind was how much I did not like anything about the day we just had. Erik was fussy, Emery was ornery, and I was tired, hadn't showered, and hadn't interacted or spoken to anyone over the age of 21 months all day long. I laid down in bed feeling sorry for myself, feeling bad, feeling guilty for how much TV we watched that day (and every day these past few weeks), feeling bad about not being the mom I wanted to be, and just being overall negative. I tried to think of some good things that happened that day and I was just too frustrated and mad and feeling bad that I didn't put any effort into thinking of anything. I soon fell asleep, just hoping that tomorrow would be better. I woke up in the middle of the night almost in a panic and really couldn't figure out why. I rolled over to see my husband sleeping in bed next to me and a little bit of the panic went away. I got up to check on my two beautiful babies and as I checked on them peacefully sleeping in their beds, my panic went away completely. I laid back down in bed trying to assess what had just happened when I got this overwhelming feeling, as if the Lord was telling me directly, that I will ALWAYS have something to be grateful for. I have a wonderful husband who goes to school and work from the early morning hours into the late late nights, just to provide a good life for our family. I have two children who love me and no matter how impatient, tired, grouchy, unshowered, and short I am with them they smile and laugh every time they see me come and get them in the mornings. My family is healthy, we have everything we need to be happy, and we have the gospel, that glue that holds us all together.
Since that night I have made a goal to write down a few things I loved about the day I just had. It has all of the sudden been very easy to see how blessed my life really is. I have been able to see many of the "little things" or tender mercies that I am being blessed with daily that I haven't recognized before now. A few things I'd like to remember from this week are: (Feb 9-14th)
- How Guy called Emery "love bug" when he came home tonight
- Baking with Emery and how excited she got when I pulled up a chair for her in the kitchen
- How Erik slept on my shoulder and then nuzzled into my neck before I put him down for his nap
- When I sat on the floor with Erik on my lap and leaned against the couch, Emery jumped on the couch and wrapped her arms around my neck and then kissed me on the cheek
- Erik looking and finding me from across the room and then popping up on his arms with a big smile on his face
- Emery dancing around in her diaper tonight before putting her pajamas on
- The way Erik holds onto my finger while he eats, white knuckles and everything, and then he pulls my hand over to rub his cheek while he eats
- The way Guy kisses all three of us whenever he leaves and does the same when he gets home
- How Emery makes sure that Guy takes off his coat and his hat as soon as he walks in the door, she knows that when he takes them off, he gets to stay and play a little longer.
I would like to say that my complaining or the difficult times or days have completely stopped, but that would be unrealistic. There will always be challenges, trying times, and difficult days, but I have noticed a change in the way I look at my children when they keep me up at night. I have noticed a change in the way I treat my husband when I only get to see him for a couple hours a day. I am grateful for the life I have been given. I am grateful for the chance I have to stay home with my children and watch them grow and change every single day, because if there is one thing I have learned it is that they are always doing something new every time I turn around. I still look forward to warmer weather, walks outside, and less Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in my life, but in the meantime I'm going to try to recognize the little things that I am being blessed with every day.
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